A look back at the changes in wedding traditions over the past fifty years.

THEN ….

Fifty years ago, weddings, although being fairly large affairs, were in many ways I think, a lot easier to plan as choices were extremely limited. As function coordinators were virtually unheard of, it was up to the mother of the bride to coordinate the event. No time was spent dithering over colour schemes or themes, as weddings were well weddings – elegant and always white in colour. Plain white tablecloths, white flowers, white cake, pure white wedding dress!  The only addition of colour was in the identical dresses worn by the bridesmaids and the traditional something blue, which was usually the ribbon on the bride’s garter.

A professional photographer well versed in weddings (there weren’t too many of them so the choice was easy) would be booked and a family member or reliable seamstress would be called upon to make the white wedding gown or you would pay a visit to the only wedding dress shop in town. Grooms wore black suits, tuxedos or top hat and tails with grey ties and most were happy not to be involved too much in any of the organising of the day. Fathers of the bride, gave the bride away, made a speech and paid for the event.

The wedding ceremony generally took place early in the afternoon in doors at a place of worship and was followed by a high tea with champagne and later cocktails and dancing (to a band) at a hotel or hall and would end around 8 pm. The bride by then would have changed into her smart going away outfit, (complete with matching gloves and hat) and the couple would leave in their decorated car for their honeymoon at a local destination.

AND NOW …

If we fast-forward through the years it is abundantly clear that by contrast couples marrying in 2012 have so many choices that wedding planning can be both mind-boggling and time consuming.

In addition to all the information available on internet websites, there are wedding shows to attend, wedding magazines, both local and international, to pour over and with a click of a ‘send’ button one is able to obtain quotes from a host of different service providers as well as shop on line for any items required. Indeed there are oh so many more services available now to choose from that weren’t heard of fifty years ago! Even the choice of venue is huge and couples can marry on the beach, on a boat, in a garden, at a wine-farm, underwater or on top of a mountain – the sky really is the limit!

A recent survey in the UK revealed that one tradition that hasn’t changed over the years is the colour of the wedding dress and the full length all white wedding dress is still the most popular choice. Well-known dress designer Vera Wang recently included black wedding dresses in her Fall 2012 collection at New York’s bridal fashion week, but I doubt very much that many brides will be brave enough to go this route. Unlike before, it’s great to see bridesmaids are finally being allowed more leeway in choosing styles to suit their figures and personality. Largely thanks to the royal wedding last year it is now not unknown for bridesmaids to also dress in white, something that was previously taboo. White bridal shoes are giving way to colourful ones and the tradition of ‘wearing something blue’, is often incorporated by wearing blue shoes.

Much time is spent now by couples pondering what colour scheme, flowers and theme to choose and at the same time having regard for the environment.

The average age for couples to marry has increased from the early twenties to early thirties and the cost of the wedding is now more likely to be shared between both sets of parents and the couple. It’s refreshing to see more grooms are getting involved in the planning of their wedding and they are definitely having a greater say in what they wear with many opting for more casual clothing and
footwear.

A word of warning: Make sure you are not too casually dressed. I’ve heard a wedding guests remark that they had difficulty in working out who the groom was because he just blended in. Another train of thought is that if the bride is dressed formally for the occasion then the groom should be as well.

What would have been unheard of fifty years ago are themed weddings – think chic rustic woodland, seaside, festival, Hollywood glamour, vintage –and these are popular today as they offer couples the chance to personalise their weddings and at the same time provide an opportunity to incorporate an element of fun and surprise for their guests. This is often done with the addition of photo booths, sweet tables, food stations, garden games, etc.

Wedding have certainly changed a lot and become more colourful in the past fifty years and it is going to be interesting to see how many more changes are yet to come. If you have any thoughts on this please drop us a line – we’d love to hear from you.

Many, many articles, indeed complete books, have been written containing advice for the bride, not only on what to wear but also what is expected of her on her wedding day. Unfortunately, it is sad but true that there is not much advice available for the groom and as one groom remarked ‘We’re the ones that need the advice’. ‘My fiancé has been dreaming about this day since she was born, I’ve only thought of it since we got engaged!’

I love the good advice South African Colin Cowie, celebrity style-maker and now wedding guru to the stars in the USA gives to grooms, namely: ‘Its important to look confident and completely at ease on your wedding day and you can’t do this if you are decked out in some costume that just isn’t you.’

Whilst it is a nice touch to match the colours of the men’s accessories to the wedding colours, Colin advised against being talked into having all the groomsmen wearing matching pink cummerbunds and bowties simply because the bridesmaids are wearing pink. He maintains that dark shades of blue, green or grey look better on men.

Photo: Jan Theron Photography

Our top tips for grooms

Spend time on your speech. Don’t leave it to the last minute – your speech is important. This is one speech you can’t ad lib. The majority of your speech is going to consist of thanking everyone involved in the wedding, from both sets of parents to Aunt Agatha who baked the cake. By taking plenty of time to prepare it, you won’t run the risk of forgetting to thank someone. And remember that if it is captured on video, your speech is going to be around for a long, long time!

Grooms forget that their hands are going to be on display and zoomed in on by their photographer and videographer – it’s advisable to take time to make sure that yours look the part.

 A tip from a videographer – get rid of the chewing gum before the service and make sure all your attendants do as well!  While chewing of gum might not be noticeable at the time it is very noticeable on a video.

If you are having a church wedding, in which case you will probably have to kneel, remember to check the soles of your shoes to ensure that there are no forgotten price stickers lurking there or funny sayings written by friends.

A word of caution - if you are hiring an outfit for the wedding make sure you try it on either at the hiring company or at home at least the day before so that if anything needs changing you have time to do so. And, if you are going away on honeymoon, remember to ask someone to return it for you after the wedding.

Surprise your new wife. If you are using the services of a videographer enlist his aid and at the reception find a private spot and record a special message for her – imagine her delight when she watches the video after the wedding!

When booking the accommodation for the wedding night, try and choose somewhere close to the reception venue so that you don’t have to travel far after the event. If possible, book an extra night’s accommodation to allow yourselves time to sleep and not have to check out early. Most couples report that they were so tired after their wedding that all they wanted to do the next day was sleep!

HONEYMOON IN STYLE AT ROMANTIC ZULUWATERS IN NATAL MIDLANDS

Leave the stresses and strains of city life behind you and honeymoon in the majestic mountains of the Drakensberg. At ZuluWaters Game Reserve in the charming Midlands of Kwa-Zulu Natal, you can marvel at the wonders of the wilderness, stay in supreme luxury and unsurpassed comfort and experience exciting outdoor adventures. The romantic ZuluWaters is tucked away in the heart of the mountains, providing incomparable privacy and time for a couple to appreciate the area’s natural beauty.

Start your African adventure into married life with complimentary bubbles at the elegant Shaka Lodge, winner of the Afrisam 2010 Architecture Award or the romantic one-bedroomed Lake Cottage. The lodges are built for privacy and comfort, offering a tranquil and luxurious respite from the rigours of a day spent out on the veld.

Experience the vast wilderness on either a romantic game drive or Appaloosa horse trail through the hills and valleys of the 7000 acre reserve, while you gaze at herds of wildebeest, zebra and eland. Stop and relish your surroundings with a romantic picnic lunch along the waters of the Bushmans River. Malaria-free, the reserve is a natural playground for those wanting to connect with nature and their new partner.

The large hills and valleys of Afromontane forest, thornbush and open savannah play host to an extensive range of wildlife including Cape Buffalo, Cape Eland and other plains game. You may also spot the nocturnal and enigmatic Leopard, Brown Hyena or Aardwolf.

Honeymoon activities include fly-fishing, nature walks, birding, clay pigeon shooting, white-water rafting, hot-air ballooning and helicopter rides.

The picturesque eco-award winning lodge prides itself on bringing guests ‘veld to fork’ fare pleasures.  Savour freshly-caught rainbow trout, home-cured carpaccio or succulent venison fillet with garden-fresh organic vegetables, prepared by your personal chef at the lodge. Each meal at the lodge offers guests true organic cuisine that is planted, grown, created and prepared on the ZuluWaters reserve.

ZuluWaters has its own private grass airstrip for those wishing to be chartered directly to the reserve.

Valentine’s Day! The day universally recognised as the day of love. It is also regarded worldwide as one of the most popular dates on the calendar for proposals to take place.

Over the years, the manner in which marriage proposals are made has changed considerably. It used to be that all that was required was for the guy to go down on bended knee in the girl’s front parlour – these days, it’s most encouraging to see an increasing number of men putting a lot more thought and effort into their proposals!

For those of you who are ready to commit and take the plunge on Valentine’s Day, we have compiled a list of do’s and don’t’s, and important points to remember to get you on your way.

Photo by: Jan Theron Photography

DO:

• Take time to consider the feelings of the person to whom you are planning to propose, and the kind of proposal you think she would like.
• Visit the restaurant where you are planning to propose in advance and choose a suitable table that will give you some privacy. Speak to the waiter and maybe arrange to have a bunch of flowers brought to your table at an agreed time (after the proposal). You could also maybe enlist their aid and ask them to write the words ‘Marry Me’ on the plate with her dessert.
• Try and choose a table with a view of the sea (or water of any kind) – or if in Cape Town of Table Mountain lit up – this always works well!
• Bear in mind that you don’t have to spend a fortune on your proposal; many girls would also find a simple picnic in a romantic setting (such as a wine farm, or on the rocks at sunset), just the ticket.
• Remember that even a simple proposal at home would work, but if you choose this route, surprise her with a house filled with flowers and candles, scatter some rose petals around and have a good bottle of bubbly chilled and ready.
• Try and broach the subject in some way before you propose, so you have a clear idea of her feelings for you. The last thing you want is to have her reject your proposal.
• Tell her dad of your intentions before popping the question. It may be old- fashioned, but he will love you for it and it could become a good bonding exercise!

DON’T:

• Put the ring inside a glass of champagne or any food – this trick is now old and hackneyed and you also run the risk that she might swallow, or even worse, choke on it!
• Propose to her in front of a 1000-strong live audience at a rock concert, especially if she has a shy and retiring personality. (I witnessed this once and the poor girl looked as though she would have given anything to be a thousand miles away!) I also watched (as did over 36,000 others) a You-Tube clip of a girl rejecting a proposal made to her in front of a packed stadium at a basketball game in the USA!
• Make sure in advance that she has no work commitments on the evening so you don’t waste your time planning a wonderful evening that’s a non-starter.
• Plan to propose to her on a helicopter or boat trip unless you know for certain that she has the same feelings as you do about flying or that she has good sea-legs. The last thing you want is to have someone on your hands turning green, while you are attempting to be your romantic best.
• Propose first thing in the morning on Valentine’s Day as she wakes up, or when she is looking her worst. Most women would love to be proposed to when they are looking and feeling at their best. (Although as one bride-to-be said: ‘If he proposed to me looking like that, he must really love me!’)
• Buy her a ring, unless you know exactly what she likes. Nearly all women would prefer to choose their own. Remember she is going to be the one wearing it for hopefully a very long time.

Other important points to remember

A marriage proposal is a very special moment between two people, and one that you will both remember for the rest of your lives. When asked, most women I have spoken to say they will never forget the words their future husband uttered when asking them to be their wife. You have been warned – be sincere and choose your words wisely!

What’s the bottom line?

What amount should be spent on an engagement ring?
A survey conducted by the Celebration House website revealed that 68% of those taking part thought that the groom should spend the equivalent of one month’s salary on the engagement ring; 20% thought 3 months’ salary was more appropriate, whilst the remaining 12% voted in favour of more than 5 months’ salary being spent – not sure if they were being entirely truthful of if this was merely a case of wishful thinking!

TELL THE WORLD THAT YOU’RE ENGAGED!

Once you have popped the question and she has replied ‘YES’, the first people to be told should be your respective parents. This should preferably be done in person or by phone and not by sms. Once they have been told, you can then shout it to the world on social media! Please don’t forget your grandparents – I know of a couple who forgot that granny didn’t have a cellphone so didn’t get an sms and she also wasn’t on Facebook and Twitter!

Celebration House has made it very easy for you to let everyone know that you have finally taken the plunge.

To have your engagement details posted on the Celebration House website simply fill out the form you’ll find on our website  www.celebrationhouse.co.za under the heading ‘Engagement’ and we will then create a special page for you that you can share with your friends and family via Email, Facebook or Twitter. It’ll take us a day or two to create and we’ll email you with the link once it’s all done.

The choice of song for that special moment when you step onto the dance floor for the first time as husband and wife, is of course a very personal one, but at Celebration House we often get asked for ideas on this subject and just for fun, instead of picking popular songs, we have composed a list of classic numbers that we think have withstood the test of time.

Photo by StephenC Photographer

At Last – Beyonce
I don’t want to miss a thing – Aerosmith
Truly, madly deeply – Savage Garden
I’ve got you under my skin – Frank Sinatra and Bono
When you say nothing at all – Ronan Keating
Tonight I celebrate my love – Roberta Flack & Peabo Bryson
You’re my first, my last, my everything – Barry White
My baby just cares for me – Nina Simone
Unforgettable – Nat King Cole
The way you look tonight – Michael Bublé
Have I told you lately – Van Morrison
True Love – Elton John & Kiki Dee
Up where we belong – Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes

We’d love to hear what song you have chosen for your first dance.

Sitting grandly on the dramatic seashore, overlooking the iconic lighthouse of Umhlanga and sweeping expanse of the Indian Ocean, the statuesque Oyster Box has a spiritual quality that lends itself perfectly to the big occasion. It is the perfect setting to celebrate those events which prove the most unforgettable in a lifetime: a proposal, honeymoon, anniversary, birthday or family get-together.

No wonder so many choose The Oyster Box when they want to devote a few nights to togetherness and celebration.

There’s nothing like a little peace, quiet and pampering to stir up a romantic interlude. The Oyster Box’s Celebration Package unites our breathtaking location with indulgences made for two, designed to turn that special moment into a lasting memory

The Celebration Package includes:
Accommodation in the luxury room of your choice
Full English breakfast
Choice of one of the following: Rose petal turndown, Sparkling wine or personalised birthday cake
3-course set menu dinner in the Grill Room Restaurant – Not available on a Saturday evenings

A natural wilderness journey

The surroundings are therapy in themselves, but The Spa is the focus of the abundant natural healing energy one experiences at Bushmans Kloof. It’s a peaceful sanctuary where one can surrender to the ancient mystical powers of the African landscape, rejuvenate all your senses, replenish your spirit and achieve deep inner peace and harmony.

We are dedicated to restoring beauty and balance through individual treatments and Spa journeys, personalised for each of our guests by exceptionally skilled therapists. Our commitment to wellbeing focuses on holistic principles, combining ancient wisdom with modern expertise.

Our spa menu offers an extensive variety of health and beauty enhancing treatments to ensure that our guests are nurtured, purified, pampered and relaxed.

Spa facilities and services:

• 4 Treatment Rooms for dual and single treatments
• The Crystal Steam Room with Rock Quartz Crystal, known for its healing properties
• Tranquillity Lounge to relax in between and after all spa treatments with lounge chairs, books, music or meditation
• Health Bar with homemade healthy snacks and Rooibos tea to enjoy between treatments
• Wellbeing Activities include audio meditation in the reserve, yoga mats in all rooms, mountain biking, canoeing, hiking and walking trails in the reserve.
• The Riverside Dual Gazebo is a unique treatment room with exceptional views and tranquil waters. An outdoor spa experience where you can truly be at one with the natural environment.

Over and above our standard treatments, we specialise in designing personalised packages to rejuvenate the body. We design packages that relieve stress, detoxify, cleanse and purify or simply refresh and rejuvenate with finishing touches added to return you to the outside world feeling and looking your best.

Bridal Beauty Basics (270 min)
60 minute Massage from our Traditional Massage Journeys (excl. Hot Stone Massage)
Classic Essential Facial
Deluxe Manicure and Pedicure

The Bushmans Kloof Togetherness Experience (210 min)
Spa Garden Picnic Lunch with Sparkling Wine
Crystal Rasul Experience
Cederberg ‘Soul’ution
60 minute Facial

Spa Ultimate Wellness Day
Morning walk in the reserve
Crystal Steam Room session
Foot Ritual
Full Body Exfoliation
Chakra Balancing Candle Massage
Specialised Facial

SPArties – have a Spa Party
Choose any one of the treatments from the list below and enjoy with a Crystal Rasul Experience and use of the Spa Garden and relaxation areas for a picnic or private tea.

45 minutes Hot Stone Massage
45 minute Chakra Balancing Candle Massage
45 minute Hydrating Facial
45 minute Herbal Body Exfoliation

I like to think that they have been taken in by their novelty appeal and didn’t know that worldwide:

1. they have caused many fires and damage to buildings
2. they are often mistaken for flares
3. they should not be sent into the air within a 10km radius of an airport as they could be sucked into a planes engine
4. livestock have been injured after eating the wire frames
5. many countries have banned them including Thailand (due to the large number of forest fires they have caused), Vietnam, Germany, Australia, parts of New Zealand, Austria, Malta, Lithuania, parts of China and Malaysia and there is a also a call for them to be banned in the UK where they have caused fires and injured cattle.

I stayed at a flat in Bantry Bay over the festive season and witnessed first hand how dangerous these can be. Some people lit them on the beach opposite where I was staying and instead of flying out to sea they headed inland. When we saw the first lantern heading our way there was a wild scramble to close all the windows. Fortunately it rose up and sailed over the block of flats. Unfortunately, whoever was lighting them on the beach wasn’t concerned that they were heading for the mountain and not out to sea and kept on lighting them. With all the warnings in the press about the dangers of throwing stompies out of car windows and now having seen these lanterns close up, I would think they pose a far greater threat to the vegetation and buildings and should be banned.

Do you agree with me?

With the world focus this month on the COP17 conference on climate change being held in Durban, it seemed appropriate to focus on ways couples can reduce the large carbon footprint that weddings usually generate.

I was recently asked by a bride ‘So what exactly is a ‘green’ wedding?’ and basically put it is a wedding that has as little as possible impact on the environment. This requires couples having to  put a lot more time and thought into the planning of their wedding day. They need to think carefully about all the choices they make and consider whether they are wise ones.

There is definitely evidence of a fast growing trend in countries such as the UK and the USA towards more environmentally friendly weddings. No longer are ‘green’ weddings associated with the hippie fringe – today they are described in trendy circles as ‘eco-chic’ affairs.

As was to be expected, all aspects of the royal wedding of Kate and William held earlier this year, came under scrutiny by the Press. The Telegraph reported that it was estimated it generated ten times more greenhouse gases than did Buckingham Palace in a whole year or 1,230 times the annual emissions of the average UK household. The newspaper then went on to say that when the couple reached the Palace after the ceremony, the National Grid reported the demand for electricity increased by 2,400MW – the equivalent of nearly a million kettles being turned on at the same time!

Photo by: StephenC Photographer

In fairness to the couple, they did try and choose many ways to reduce their carbon footprint. Not an easy task when the emissions released into the atmosphere by all the private jets arriving with VIP guests must have totalled an enormous amount to say nothing of the 140 tonnes of waste left along the processional route – equivalent to the weight of over 50 Rolls Royces!

Fortunately, not too many celebrity wedding take place in this country, and for the average environmentally concerned couple, there are numerous simple ways of ensuring that their wedding day doesn’t leave a large carbon footprint on the planet.

Firstly, when making any choice, try as far as possible to use locally-grown or fair trade produce, and items that are made locally.
Steer away from imported flowers and rather choose those that are in season and easily obtainable from a local supplier. Consider using small tubs of flowers or herbs as table décor, which could also double up as gifts for your guests. You could also give your guests packets of wild flower seeds, or products like sweets or pottery that are locally made. Gifts that support a good cause are also suitable. One idea that has always appealed to me is to make a vendor’s day and buy copies of The Big Issue to give to your guests.

If you are using fresh flowers, try not to waste them after the wedding. You could donate them to a hospital or old age home, should you not be planning to give them to guests. (As you will probably be leaving on your honeymoon straight after the wedding, ask a friend or family member to organise this for you.)

Try to choose a style of wedding dress that you will wear again – instead of leaving it to clutter up your cupboard – and of course it should preferably be made from a natural fabric. This also applies when selecting outfits for your attendants.  Other options would be to hire an outfit, purchase a second-hand or vintage dress or have your mother’s wedding dress restyled.

Invitations made from recycled paper would be a good choice. If you have the time you could personalise them even more by taking paper making lessons and creating your own invitations. I heard of one bride who chose to learn origami and made all her flowers and décor from paper.

A word of warning if you are using recycled paper. I know of a South African couple who couldn’t understand why they hadn’t received RSVP’s from any of the Australian guests they had invited to their wedding. They later discovered that, as their invitations made from recycled paper contained a small amount of plant material and seed, they were rejected and destroyed by postal authorities on arrival in Australia.

It’s a good idea to spend time planning the menu for your wedding and as far as possible to choose seasonal products. Imported goods, which have to be flown in, have a greater environmental impact. Ask your caterer to ensure that only organic produce is used and if the meal is not an entirely vegetarian one, enquire whether the meat or chicken being served has been organically reared, using sustainable farming methods.

More and more organic wine is appearing on the shelves in supermarkets and bottle stores and this would be your ideal first choice. Otherwise, if you are fortunate enough to live in the Cape, get together with a few friends and spend some time visiting a few local vineyards. Wedding guests have varied tastes so feedback from friends on their likes and dislikes could be useful in helping you with your final choice. Today there are many more outlets for locally-brewed beer which would definitely get the nod ahead of imported beer.

A wedding held outdoors in natural surroundings is an excellent way to reduce your footprint as it requires no artificial lighting and far less decorating. If possible, try and have the ceremony and reception at the same place or choose a setting that is convenient to most guests so that you minimise the amount of travelling required. Ideally, you should also not travel too far for your honeymoon. If you and your guests are travelling long distances to your wedding you could consider offsetting the effects of the carbon emissions by giving your guests trees to plant. – a wonderful way to commemorate your wedding day.

World-wide millions of weddings are held each year – recently on one day alone (a very auspicious date) more than 60 000 couples were married in Delhi, India.

It is not easy to have a completely carbon free occasion but even one small act by every couple marrying could have a huge effect on the planet.

The book includes (among others) chapters on how to take the stress out of planning and budgeting for your wedding; the all-important legal side of marriage; wedding ceremonies of the various religions and cultures in South Africa; the practicalities of choosing venues, as well as photographers and other service providers – and the indispensable FAQs, featuring expert answers to Celebration House’s most frequently asked questions over the years. Also included is ‘Pam’s Little Black Book’ – an invaluable directory of recommended professional service providers.

The really useful WEDDING BOOK for South Africa is, quite simply, the essential guide to planning a successful wedding.

To purchase a copy contact Celebration House – email info@celebrationhouse.co.za or phone +27 21 674 7350.

About the author

An established author of several successful titles (including the best-selling The A to Z of Factory Shops), Pam Black is also the owner of the highly regarded Celebration House, a unique wedding information and exhibition centre situated in Claremont, Cape Town. For more than 13 years, Celebration House has been providing expert advice and information to anyone organising a wedding. Over the years, Pam has written numerous articles on every aspect of getting married for a diverse range of media, including Fair Lady Bride and Sarie Bruid; she also writes a monthly column (featuring wedding tips) for Die Burger, and is the resident expert who answers wedding-related questions on iafrica.com’s Lifestyle page. In addition, Pam is the organiser of the successful annual Cape Town Wedding Festival, held at the V & A Waterfront.