Valentine’s Day! The day universally recognised as the day of love. It is also regarded worldwide as one of the most popular dates on the calendar for proposals to take place.

Over the years, the manner in which marriage proposals are made has changed considerably. It used to be that all that was required was for the guy to go down on bended knee in the girl’s front parlour – these days, it’s most encouraging to see an increasing number of men putting a lot more thought and effort into their proposals!

For those of you who are ready to commit and take the plunge on Valentine’s Day, we have compiled a list of do’s and don’t’s, and important points to remember to get you on your way.

Photo by: Jan Theron Photography

DO:

• Take time to consider the feelings of the person to whom you are planning to propose, and the kind of proposal you think she would like.
• Visit the restaurant where you are planning to propose in advance and choose a suitable table that will give you some privacy. Speak to the waiter and maybe arrange to have a bunch of flowers brought to your table at an agreed time (after the proposal). You could also maybe enlist their aid and ask them to write the words ‘Marry Me’ on the plate with her dessert.
• Try and choose a table with a view of the sea (or water of any kind) – or if in Cape Town of Table Mountain lit up – this always works well!
• Bear in mind that you don’t have to spend a fortune on your proposal; many girls would also find a simple picnic in a romantic setting (such as a wine farm, or on the rocks at sunset), just the ticket.
• Remember that even a simple proposal at home would work, but if you choose this route, surprise her with a house filled with flowers and candles, scatter some rose petals around and have a good bottle of bubbly chilled and ready.
• Try and broach the subject in some way before you propose, so you have a clear idea of her feelings for you. The last thing you want is to have her reject your proposal.
• Tell her dad of your intentions before popping the question. It may be old- fashioned, but he will love you for it and it could become a good bonding exercise!

DON’T:

• Put the ring inside a glass of champagne or any food – this trick is now old and hackneyed and you also run the risk that she might swallow, or even worse, choke on it!
• Propose to her in front of a 1000-strong live audience at a rock concert, especially if she has a shy and retiring personality. (I witnessed this once and the poor girl looked as though she would have given anything to be a thousand miles away!) I also watched (as did over 36,000 others) a You-Tube clip of a girl rejecting a proposal made to her in front of a packed stadium at a basketball game in the USA!
• Make sure in advance that she has no work commitments on the evening so you don’t waste your time planning a wonderful evening that’s a non-starter.
• Plan to propose to her on a helicopter or boat trip unless you know for certain that she has the same feelings as you do about flying or that she has good sea-legs. The last thing you want is to have someone on your hands turning green, while you are attempting to be your romantic best.
• Propose first thing in the morning on Valentine’s Day as she wakes up, or when she is looking her worst. Most women would love to be proposed to when they are looking and feeling at their best. (Although as one bride-to-be said: ‘If he proposed to me looking like that, he must really love me!’)
• Buy her a ring, unless you know exactly what she likes. Nearly all women would prefer to choose their own. Remember she is going to be the one wearing it for hopefully a very long time.

Other important points to remember

A marriage proposal is a very special moment between two people, and one that you will both remember for the rest of your lives. When asked, most women I have spoken to say they will never forget the words their future husband uttered when asking them to be their wife. You have been warned – be sincere and choose your words wisely!

What’s the bottom line?

What amount should be spent on an engagement ring?
A survey conducted by the Celebration House website revealed that 68% of those taking part thought that the groom should spend the equivalent of one month’s salary on the engagement ring; 20% thought 3 months’ salary was more appropriate, whilst the remaining 12% voted in favour of more than 5 months’ salary being spent – not sure if they were being entirely truthful of if this was merely a case of wishful thinking!

TELL THE WORLD THAT YOU’RE ENGAGED!

Once you have popped the question and she has replied ‘YES’, the first people to be told should be your respective parents. This should preferably be done in person or by phone and not by sms. Once they have been told, you can then shout it to the world on social media! Please don’t forget your grandparents – I know of a couple who forgot that granny didn’t have a cellphone so didn’t get an sms and she also wasn’t on Facebook and Twitter!

Celebration House has made it very easy for you to let everyone know that you have finally taken the plunge.

To have your engagement details posted on the Celebration House website simply fill out the form you’ll find on our website  www.celebrationhouse.co.za under the heading ‘Engagement’ and we will then create a special page for you that you can share with your friends and family via Email, Facebook or Twitter. It’ll take us a day or two to create and we’ll email you with the link once it’s all done.

The choice of song for that special moment when you step onto the dance floor for the first time as husband and wife, is of course a very personal one, but at Celebration House we often get asked for ideas on this subject and just for fun, instead of picking popular songs, we have composed a list of classic numbers that we think have withstood the test of time.

Photo by StephenC Photographer

At Last – Beyonce
I don’t want to miss a thing – Aerosmith
Truly, madly deeply – Savage Garden
I’ve got you under my skin – Frank Sinatra and Bono
When you say nothing at all – Ronan Keating
Tonight I celebrate my love – Roberta Flack & Peabo Bryson
You’re my first, my last, my everything – Barry White
My baby just cares for me – Nina Simone
Unforgettable – Nat King Cole
The way you look tonight – Michael Bublé
Have I told you lately – Van Morrison
True Love – Elton John & Kiki Dee
Up where we belong – Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes

We’d love to hear what song you have chosen for your first dance.

Sitting grandly on the dramatic seashore, overlooking the iconic lighthouse of Umhlanga and sweeping expanse of the Indian Ocean, the statuesque Oyster Box has a spiritual quality that lends itself perfectly to the big occasion. It is the perfect setting to celebrate those events which prove the most unforgettable in a lifetime: a proposal, honeymoon, anniversary, birthday or family get-together.

No wonder so many choose The Oyster Box when they want to devote a few nights to togetherness and celebration.

There’s nothing like a little peace, quiet and pampering to stir up a romantic interlude. The Oyster Box’s Celebration Package unites our breathtaking location with indulgences made for two, designed to turn that special moment into a lasting memory

The Celebration Package includes:
Accommodation in the luxury room of your choice
Full English breakfast
Choice of one of the following: Rose petal turndown, Sparkling wine or personalised birthday cake
3-course set menu dinner in the Grill Room Restaurant – Not available on a Saturday evenings

A natural wilderness journey

The surroundings are therapy in themselves, but The Spa is the focus of the abundant natural healing energy one experiences at Bushmans Kloof. It’s a peaceful sanctuary where one can surrender to the ancient mystical powers of the African landscape, rejuvenate all your senses, replenish your spirit and achieve deep inner peace and harmony.

We are dedicated to restoring beauty and balance through individual treatments and Spa journeys, personalised for each of our guests by exceptionally skilled therapists. Our commitment to wellbeing focuses on holistic principles, combining ancient wisdom with modern expertise.

Our spa menu offers an extensive variety of health and beauty enhancing treatments to ensure that our guests are nurtured, purified, pampered and relaxed.

Spa facilities and services:

• 4 Treatment Rooms for dual and single treatments
• The Crystal Steam Room with Rock Quartz Crystal, known for its healing properties
• Tranquillity Lounge to relax in between and after all spa treatments with lounge chairs, books, music or meditation
• Health Bar with homemade healthy snacks and Rooibos tea to enjoy between treatments
• Wellbeing Activities include audio meditation in the reserve, yoga mats in all rooms, mountain biking, canoeing, hiking and walking trails in the reserve.
• The Riverside Dual Gazebo is a unique treatment room with exceptional views and tranquil waters. An outdoor spa experience where you can truly be at one with the natural environment.

Over and above our standard treatments, we specialise in designing personalised packages to rejuvenate the body. We design packages that relieve stress, detoxify, cleanse and purify or simply refresh and rejuvenate with finishing touches added to return you to the outside world feeling and looking your best.

Bridal Beauty Basics (270 min)
60 minute Massage from our Traditional Massage Journeys (excl. Hot Stone Massage)
Classic Essential Facial
Deluxe Manicure and Pedicure

The Bushmans Kloof Togetherness Experience (210 min)
Spa Garden Picnic Lunch with Sparkling Wine
Crystal Rasul Experience
Cederberg ‘Soul’ution
60 minute Facial

Spa Ultimate Wellness Day
Morning walk in the reserve
Crystal Steam Room session
Foot Ritual
Full Body Exfoliation
Chakra Balancing Candle Massage
Specialised Facial

SPArties – have a Spa Party
Choose any one of the treatments from the list below and enjoy with a Crystal Rasul Experience and use of the Spa Garden and relaxation areas for a picnic or private tea.

45 minutes Hot Stone Massage
45 minute Chakra Balancing Candle Massage
45 minute Hydrating Facial
45 minute Herbal Body Exfoliation

I like to think that they have been taken in by their novelty appeal and didn’t know that worldwide:

1. they have caused many fires and damage to buildings
2. they are often mistaken for flares
3. they should not be sent into the air within a 10km radius of an airport as they could be sucked into a planes engine
4. livestock have been injured after eating the wire frames
5. many countries have banned them including Thailand (due to the large number of forest fires they have caused), Vietnam, Germany, Australia, parts of New Zealand, Austria, Malta, Lithuania, parts of China and Malaysia and there is a also a call for them to be banned in the UK where they have caused fires and injured cattle.

I stayed at a flat in Bantry Bay over the festive season and witnessed first hand how dangerous these can be. Some people lit them on the beach opposite where I was staying and instead of flying out to sea they headed inland. When we saw the first lantern heading our way there was a wild scramble to close all the windows. Fortunately it rose up and sailed over the block of flats. Unfortunately, whoever was lighting them on the beach wasn’t concerned that they were heading for the mountain and not out to sea and kept on lighting them. With all the warnings in the press about the dangers of throwing stompies out of car windows and now having seen these lanterns close up, I would think they pose a far greater threat to the vegetation and buildings and should be banned.

Do you agree with me?

With the world focus this month on the COP17 conference on climate change being held in Durban, it seemed appropriate to focus on ways couples can reduce the large carbon footprint that weddings usually generate.

I was recently asked by a bride ‘So what exactly is a ‘green’ wedding?’ and basically put it is a wedding that has as little as possible impact on the environment. This requires couples having to  put a lot more time and thought into the planning of their wedding day. They need to think carefully about all the choices they make and consider whether they are wise ones.

There is definitely evidence of a fast growing trend in countries such as the UK and the USA towards more environmentally friendly weddings. No longer are ‘green’ weddings associated with the hippie fringe – today they are described in trendy circles as ‘eco-chic’ affairs.

As was to be expected, all aspects of the royal wedding of Kate and William held earlier this year, came under scrutiny by the Press. The Telegraph reported that it was estimated it generated ten times more greenhouse gases than did Buckingham Palace in a whole year or 1,230 times the annual emissions of the average UK household. The newspaper then went on to say that when the couple reached the Palace after the ceremony, the National Grid reported the demand for electricity increased by 2,400MW – the equivalent of nearly a million kettles being turned on at the same time!

Photo by: StephenC Photographer

In fairness to the couple, they did try and choose many ways to reduce their carbon footprint. Not an easy task when the emissions released into the atmosphere by all the private jets arriving with VIP guests must have totalled an enormous amount to say nothing of the 140 tonnes of waste left along the processional route – equivalent to the weight of over 50 Rolls Royces!

Fortunately, not too many celebrity wedding take place in this country, and for the average environmentally concerned couple, there are numerous simple ways of ensuring that their wedding day doesn’t leave a large carbon footprint on the planet.

Firstly, when making any choice, try as far as possible to use locally-grown or fair trade produce, and items that are made locally.
Steer away from imported flowers and rather choose those that are in season and easily obtainable from a local supplier. Consider using small tubs of flowers or herbs as table décor, which could also double up as gifts for your guests. You could also give your guests packets of wild flower seeds, or products like sweets or pottery that are locally made. Gifts that support a good cause are also suitable. One idea that has always appealed to me is to make a vendor’s day and buy copies of The Big Issue to give to your guests.

If you are using fresh flowers, try not to waste them after the wedding. You could donate them to a hospital or old age home, should you not be planning to give them to guests. (As you will probably be leaving on your honeymoon straight after the wedding, ask a friend or family member to organise this for you.)

Try to choose a style of wedding dress that you will wear again – instead of leaving it to clutter up your cupboard – and of course it should preferably be made from a natural fabric. This also applies when selecting outfits for your attendants.  Other options would be to hire an outfit, purchase a second-hand or vintage dress or have your mother’s wedding dress restyled.

Invitations made from recycled paper would be a good choice. If you have the time you could personalise them even more by taking paper making lessons and creating your own invitations. I heard of one bride who chose to learn origami and made all her flowers and décor from paper.

A word of warning if you are using recycled paper. I know of a South African couple who couldn’t understand why they hadn’t received RSVP’s from any of the Australian guests they had invited to their wedding. They later discovered that, as their invitations made from recycled paper contained a small amount of plant material and seed, they were rejected and destroyed by postal authorities on arrival in Australia.

It’s a good idea to spend time planning the menu for your wedding and as far as possible to choose seasonal products. Imported goods, which have to be flown in, have a greater environmental impact. Ask your caterer to ensure that only organic produce is used and if the meal is not an entirely vegetarian one, enquire whether the meat or chicken being served has been organically reared, using sustainable farming methods.

More and more organic wine is appearing on the shelves in supermarkets and bottle stores and this would be your ideal first choice. Otherwise, if you are fortunate enough to live in the Cape, get together with a few friends and spend some time visiting a few local vineyards. Wedding guests have varied tastes so feedback from friends on their likes and dislikes could be useful in helping you with your final choice. Today there are many more outlets for locally-brewed beer which would definitely get the nod ahead of imported beer.

A wedding held outdoors in natural surroundings is an excellent way to reduce your footprint as it requires no artificial lighting and far less decorating. If possible, try and have the ceremony and reception at the same place or choose a setting that is convenient to most guests so that you minimise the amount of travelling required. Ideally, you should also not travel too far for your honeymoon. If you and your guests are travelling long distances to your wedding you could consider offsetting the effects of the carbon emissions by giving your guests trees to plant. – a wonderful way to commemorate your wedding day.

World-wide millions of weddings are held each year – recently on one day alone (a very auspicious date) more than 60 000 couples were married in Delhi, India.

It is not easy to have a completely carbon free occasion but even one small act by every couple marrying could have a huge effect on the planet.

The book includes (among others) chapters on how to take the stress out of planning and budgeting for your wedding; the all-important legal side of marriage; wedding ceremonies of the various religions and cultures in South Africa; the practicalities of choosing venues, as well as photographers and other service providers – and the indispensable FAQs, featuring expert answers to Celebration House’s most frequently asked questions over the years. Also included is ‘Pam’s Little Black Book’ – an invaluable directory of recommended professional service providers.

The really useful WEDDING BOOK for South Africa is, quite simply, the essential guide to planning a successful wedding.

To purchase a copy contact Celebration House – email info@celebrationhouse.co.za or phone +27 21 674 7350.

About the author

An established author of several successful titles (including the best-selling The A to Z of Factory Shops), Pam Black is also the owner of the highly regarded Celebration House, a unique wedding information and exhibition centre situated in Claremont, Cape Town. For more than 13 years, Celebration House has been providing expert advice and information to anyone organising a wedding. Over the years, Pam has written numerous articles on every aspect of getting married for a diverse range of media, including Fair Lady Bride and Sarie Bruid; she also writes a monthly column (featuring wedding tips) for Die Burger, and is the resident expert who answers wedding-related questions on iafrica.com’s Lifestyle page. In addition, Pam is the organiser of the successful annual Cape Town Wedding Festival, held at the V & A Waterfront.

1. A wedding in the sun! Cape Town has 2980 hours of sunshine per year (compared, for example, to London’s 1480).
2. South Africa’s favourable exchange rate means that you can have the wedding of your dreams in Cape Town at a fraction of the cost.
3. Cape Town boasts world-class wedding service providers and all those who advertise through Celebration House are recommended.
4. South Africa’s wedding season of good weather extends to 39 weekends, compared to only 13 in the UK.
5. No need to suffer from jet-lag at your wedding in Cape Town! The travelling time to South Africa from Europe is only 11 hours.
6. Unlike many foreign countries, South Africa has English as an official language, which means your wedding planning will be a breeze.
7. Having your wedding in beautiful Cape Town offers an ideal way to escape meddling relatives!
8. You can combine your wedding and honeymoon in one of the world’s most beautiful places.
9. South Africa – and the Cape in particular – boasts some stunning locations for weddings, ranging from beaches and mountain tops to winelands and game farms.
10. South Africa is situated halfway between Europe and Australia, making it easy for friends and relatives from afar to attend your wedding.

Photo: Jan Theron Photography

Did Kim Kardishian lose the plot?

Kim Kardashians’s fans were a bit astounded and shocked tk hear last week that after only 72 days of marriage she had filed for divorce!

What went wrong?

Speculation has been rife in the press as to why the couple parted so soon after their lavish, no expenses spared wedding. One reason put forward is that, perhaps they put so much attention into planning their more than $10 million wedding extravaganza that there was little time left to discuss their future together.

In most cultures, the reason for the engagement period is to allow couples to spend as much time as possible getting to know each other better and to grow their relationship.
It is not intended to be a time devoted to working yourself into a nervous wreck. In order to have fun on the day you need to have fun during the process.

One groom confided to me that he was completely bewildered at the change of events after he proposed to his girlfriend. He said that in the space of 24 hours he went from being ‘the boyfriend’, to ‘the fiancé’  – and suddenly he was caught up in what he termed ‘the wedding machine’ where every conversation revolved around ‘The Big Day’!

On a blog to her fans, Kim Kardashian admits that she was caught up on fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when she now knows she should have ended the relationship.

Photo: StephenC Photographer

Discuss major issues

It has been speculated that another reason why the famous couple split is because they couldn’t decide where they should live after their wedding. This was also one of the reasons reported in the press for golfer Greg Norman and tennis ace Chris Evert’s short marriage of 15 months. And, it isn’t only celebrities who have trouble sorting out this major problem. I heard recently of a South African couple who had been living together for many years in the UK. They returned home for their wedding but split up soon afterwards (before the gifts had even been unpacked) when the bride, who had assumed otherwise, discovered that her new husband had no intention of returning to South Africa to live.

So, what can you do to prevent yourself from becoming totally obsessed with the planning of your wedding at the expense of your relationship?

Remember what’s important

Firstly, it’s a good idea, right from the start, to set aside at least one day during the week to spend time alone together during which you don’t talk about the wedding at all! Rather focus on your relationship and your life together after the big day.

I heard a wedding co-ordinator once suggest that couples select one room in the house where the word ‘wedding’ is never uttered so that when the planning gets too much they each have a safe haven to retreat to!

It is certainly not every day that you’ll have the opportunity to organise a special occasion that will revolve around just the two of you — so do try to relax and enjoy it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Ultimately, though, the secret is simply to not lose focus about what the wedding day is all about and to be careful that the wedding planning doesn’t become more important than your relationship.

As far as possible try not to become too obsessed with details. Dr Robert S Eliot is quoted as saying: “Rule number one is — don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is — it’s all small stuff!”

While at the time it might seem vitally important that the flowers of the bridesmaids’ bouquets match those on the main table identically, or that the serviettes are a particular shade of blue, over time these apparently crucial issues fade into insignificance.

Don’t worry about the hiccups

It is vital not to worry about the odd hiccup that may occur at your wedding. I have witnessed brides who have become so fixated with the planning of their wedding day that I often feel that they have lost the plot!

Sure, you want everything to be perfect, but sometimes it is the little hiccups that occur that make the day more memorable.

I spoke to several couples who have been happily married for more than twenty years and found it interesting that most of them couldn’t remember details such as what flowers they had had, what music they had chosen for their first dance, or what they had eaten on the day, yet often the little glitches that had occurred were what had remained in their minds and made the occasion more memorable.

Reflect on the meaning of the day

So when next you feel you are starting to ‘lose the plot’, take a breather and try to focus instead on the true meaning of the day.
Wise words to ponder on

Without wishing to sound too sentimental, it is, after all, about the fact that you love each other enough to want to promise to be together for the rest of your lives, and to show how important the decision is to you by making this commitment in front of all your friends and family.

I have no idea who said them, and I know I have repeated them before, but I think the following wise words sum it all up perfectly – ‘remember, a wedding is one day; a marriage is a lifetime’.

It’s always exciting to receive a wedding invitation especially as these days the only post one receives is either junk mail or bills!
Once our diaries have been checked and we’ve ‘rsvp’d’, ‘Yes’, our thoughts usually stray to pondering what would be suitable to wear to the occasion.

Photo by: Jan Theron Photography

In the past it was unnecessary to tell guests what to wear to your wedding: they simple wore their ‘Sunday Best’. But in recent years we have seen a trend towards more casual dressing among younger guests, with many arriving at the event in jeans. If the dress code is formal, menfolk should leave the jeans in the cupboard and rather bring out the jacket and tie. Weddings today are costly affairs and, at what usually amounts to R350+ per head, are hardly informal occasions. I’m sure many guests are simply not aware of the costs involved, because I like to think that if they were going out for a night on the town and spending that amount of money on the meal alone, they would be more inclined to dress up for the occasion.

Stating a dress code on the invitation does help to a large extent, although I have been to weddings regarded as formal affairs at which some guests still arrived casually dressed. Of course, if the couple who are marrying have chosen to have a themed wedding, then you can afford to be a bit more avant-garde with your choice of outfit.

Colours
One of the simple rules of etiquette that female guests should apply is to avoid at all costs up-staging the bride in any way – this is after all her special day and all eyes should be focused on her. It is therefore best to avoid wearing either a white garment or hat and definitely any clothing that is too revealing in any way. If you do choose to wear a white outfit then make sure that it is accessorized in a colourful way.

Poor Pippa Middleton. Ever since she wowed the public at her sister’s royal wedding earlier this year, the British press have been waiting for her to put a foot wrong and recently there has been headline news stating that she committed the ultimate faux pas by wearing a green outfit to a friend’s wedding. Their reason for this claim is that for many years it was considered unlucky to wear green to a wedding but certainly in this country, this superstition has, like many others, disappeared over the years and it is not unusual to see guests and even bridesmaids wearing green. I attended a wedding over 15 years ago where the bride wore green and she is still happily married today!
It has also become more acceptable to wear a black outfit to a wedding, but if doing so it is a good idea to choose colourful accessories to avoid looking funereal.

Mothers of the bride and groom
I read an article recently that said that the road to finding the perfect mother of the bride outfit is littered with potholes and banana skins! Having been down that road myself I have to agree that finding a suitable outfit is not an easy task.  The wail I hear most from mothers is that while wanting to look smartly dressed, the last thing they want is to look matronly.

This was the predicament that stars Raquel Welch and Sophia Loren faced when dressing for their sons’ weddings and unfortunately for their new daughters-in-law they chose to wear outlandish outfits that upstaged the brides. Raquel not only held up the proceedings by arriving late but also made an entrance wearing a large white hat and very inappropriate low-cut black outfit that was described as a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen! Sophia on the other hand, dressed modestly for the church service and then for the reception changed into a more revealing outfit of a black satin bra with diamond clasp, a wide open white satin jacket and a see through chiffon layered skirt.

Allow yourself time
With so much to do in preparing for the wedding, many mothers leave the decision of what to wear to the last minute which causes them even more stress. A much better idea is to allow plenty of time to select an outfit.

Before choosing your outfit it is wise for the mothers of the bride and groom to meet and discuss (with each other and the bride) the colours and styles they will be wearing – bearing in mind that it is inappropriate for either to wear a white or cream outfit. When making your choice, take into consideration the colours that the bridesmaids will be wearing so your outfit blends in with them. If their dresses are being made, try and obtain a small piece of the fabric as this will also help you when choosing your outfit.

Appropriate attire for a morning wedding would be a slack suit in a soft fabric, a smart day suit, or a dress and short jacket. For a lunchtime, afternoon or less formal affair, a smart suit with a camisole, or a dress and jacket, are appropriate, while for a formal evening wedding, a long skirt and top (or jacket), or a long dress, are all acceptable.

Headgear
Although hats are not generally worn at weddings in South Africa, except maybe as protection against the African sun, there is no denying that they add a finishing touch to an outfit. At wedding shows Celebration House has exhibited at in London, it has been interesting to see how much fascinators have grown in popularity over the years and become the choice of headgear of not only the bridal retinue but wedding guests as well.

Cultural weddings
When invited to a wedding of a different culture to your own, it is always best to enquire beforehand regarding acceptable dress code. For instance, if attending a Muslim wedding one’s dress should be reasonably modest (bare shoulders and low-cut tops are not a good idea). In the mosque itself, women should have their heads covered by a scarf of a hat, but men are not required to wear a fez.

Last word
If in any doubt it is better to be a bit too overdressed than underdressed. Remember it is easy for a guy to loosen his collar and a female to remove some of the extra bling she is wearing but if you have arrived underdressed there’s not much you can do about it.
If in any doubt about the dress code it is always a good idea to consult with either the bride or her mother beforehand.